By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

I've been thinking a lot about Christian love lately. It's something that I've been both grateful for and convicted about many times over the past several days.

The thankful side first, though... Lately, I've been dealing with a lot of "stuff." But one of my greatest joys has been being surrounded by the body of Christ, having my brothers and sisters speak encouragement into my life. Nothing makes bad days seem better than a hug and a reminder that God has not let go of me and is carrying me through. It's such a gift from God to be surrounded by the ones who share my love for Him.

But then, there is the conviction part. I read this quote a while back in the book When God Writes Your Love Story. These words were spoken by a Romanian prison guard whose goal was to keep Christianity from spreading in his USSR era prison.

If we cut off their tongues and forbid the Christians speech, they love with their hands, with their feet, and with their eyes, they love always and everywhere until their last respiration. Does anybody know how to take out the power of love from these stupid Christians?

This quote definitely caused my heart to break with conviction. How many times do I speak love without living it? How often does someone need just a hug or a helping hand, and in my life's busyness, I miss their needs, and fail to live a life filled with Christ's love and kindness. How many times do my brothers and sisters just need somone to listen to them and I miss the cries of their actions and words?

I pray that God will build me up in my love for others. How cool would it be to love in such a way that those who wish to see Christ's name stamped out would be frustrated by the way we spread it with love?!

I would love nothing more than to see the church at large so overflow with the love of Christ that we could lose forever our abilities to speak, and they would still know us by our love.

But to those of you who have shown me that very real, there-when-I-need-you kind of love, you will never know how much your love and kindness has meant to me. As for those to whom I've not shown this kind of love, I am truly sorry, and pray that I will have the chance to try again and show you love in a real, here for you way.

Anyway... Just a few thoughts I had.

Are you ready?

So, lately, I've been feeling God shaking me out of my complacency again, which is both wonderful and extremely painful. Like, it's really amazing when you see God's plans becoming more clear in your life, but it's painful when those plans are way different than your plans. Which, for me, is a pretty common occurance.

But as it stands... I sold my soul to the state for 4 years after I graduate so that I'd have my education paid for... And either, I can teach for 4 years here, or I can pay all the money back that they've given me thus far. I had never planned on living or teaching outside of SC. Like, never. But I'm really beginning to think that God's plan is for me to move out west for a year or two... Which would be incredibly cool, I think, but it makes me really nervous. I've never had to live somewhere where one of my parents couldn't be where I was in less than an hour. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I mean, granted, I'm old enough not to need that, but I'm still not sure.

Other than that are my plans for life in general. I was looking forward to a life as a wife and mother, and a Spanish teacher. I was hoping to be able to begin all of these parts of my life within a few years of each other. But with the ministry and call that I feel God has for me, I think maybe I should wait on the wife and mother part. If I even ever have them at all. And for the first time, I'm beginning to think that might be OK. I mean, yeah... I'm a girl. I want a gorgeous wedding, and gorgeous kids, and a wonderful little white picket fence life. But I believe God has called us to live bigger than just the picket fence world. His heart is for a hurting and broken world, and He loves those who don't know Him. He wants to bring them to Himself. And if He wants me to be a part of that as a single woman, then so be it. I'm ready. I want to take it on, if that's the plan. And if He sees fit to give me a family, then great. I'm ready for that, too... I'd love to be a mom and wife. I really would. But I'm not demanding it. Just waiting and humbly asking God to do what's best.

This leads to a lot of questioning in my heart. But also a great knowledge that God knows what He's doing, and loves me far too much to screw up my life.

It's so easy to say those things, sometimes, though, but to backtrack on them when it gets hard... I'm only praying now that God will show me how to let go... to hold on to my plans, hopes, dreams, aspirations, and possessions with an open hand, so that when and if He wants to take them, He can.

It's going to be hard, and I'm not gonna lie... I'm scared to death... But I'm ready.


Desperation Band - Ready Now

You come like You promised You would
I want to surrender for good
I know that I need you
And I dont want to keep living life alone.

So take my heart
And make it new
Make it true
And make it like You
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're Yours not mine to do
Do what You will
Do what You will
Do what You will

I feel like a blind man in you sight
I know that I'm wicked in Your eyes
So wash me and make me shine like Your Son
I want to tell everyone
That You're the only one

So take my heart
And make it new
Make it true
And make it like You
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're Yours not mine to do
Do what You will
Do what You will
Do what You will
Do what You will

I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what You will
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what You will
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now

So take my heart
And make it new
Make it true
And make it like You
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're Yours not mine to do
Do what You will
Do what You will
Do what You will

I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what You will
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what You will
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what You will
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now

Random! Love it!

Here's a random list of some of the best feelings in the world.

1. Passing a cop car, and looking at your speedometer to see that you were going the speed limit.
2. A hug from the right person at the right time.
3. Hearing your name being said by someone who is very special to you (from baby nephew, to parent, to crush... whatever the case may be).
4. Healing rifts between friends.
5. Laughing, truly, deeply, and joyfully laughing.
6. God's peace about something... a decision, a wish, a hope...
7. Having an uncontrollable fit of laughter with your mom... if you haven't had that, I'm sorry. :(
8. Unexpected gifts from God.
9. Reminiscing with old friends.
10. Reliving your childhood (within reason. lol)
11. Catching up with someone you haven't heard from in years.
12. Seeing babies discover the world.
13. Being around animals.
14. Settling down with a good book in bed.
15. Looking back and realizing where you made the right choice.
16. A new outfit.
17. Walking around the mall alone and not feeling weird or insecure about it.

OK, don't ask... I don't even know where all of these come from, but I've experienced all of them recently, in one way or another... And they've been awesome. Enjoy.