My Savior, My God, Please Reign in Us...

I don't know why, but sometimes, God uses things I have heard, said, or sung a million times to absolutely rock my world. This was the case today during the service at Hope Point. After an incredible sermon on prayer, Josh and the band played a song I've been singing for years... Even led in singing at Cru many times... "My Savior, My God." Let me back up and explain the background here a little bit.

Over the past few months, God has been doing some amazing things in my life. And when I say amazing, I also mean very, very difficult. Things which require a lot of faith and trust in God to believe Him for. Basically, the direction of my entire life is more or less resting on what God tells me to do in this one situation. I find myself constantly saying things like, "I know that God will do His best for me, but at this point, I just wish I knew what that was in this situation... One way or another."

Today, God had another thing coming for me. :) Not in a bad way at all... Just not what I was expecting. I had spent a great deal of time this morning praying that God would reveal His plan to me on this decision in my life. And today, even during the service, that was the cry of my heart...

Until the band walked back up to the stage and began singing, and these words hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed,
What God has planned.
I only know at His right hand
Stands One who is my Savior.

Wow... Could God have gotten my attention any better than that? I submit that I can't think of a better way. I almost had to sit back down in my chair when that hit me... And then I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, knowing that there is a God planning my future whose thoughts I am incapable of truly understanding. And yet to know that He stoops down to my level on earth to tell me that He loves me, and to lead me in the plan He has for my life.

I don't know why it struck me so strongly today... As I said, if I had a dollar for everytime I have sung those lines before, I'd have a lot of dollars. lol. Many of these times have even been in the midst of this situation... But this time I was absolutely rocked to the core by the very simple words.

Over this last weekend, another song has also gotten to me a lot. It's a prayer, an open invitation to the Creator of the universe to make our lives His, to use us to complete His plans, and to take our plans and form them into His. And as I think about how I want this situation in my life to work out all I can do is be reminded that God's will is the best for me, and sing/pray:

Oh, great and mighty One,
With one desire we come:
That You would reign,
That You would reign in us.
We're offering up our lives,
A living sacrifice,
That You would reign,
That You would reign in us.

I've been thinking...

Another of my list posts, but here it is anyway... Lol.

• Sometimes you think you have things all figured out... You know where you're going with your life and how it's going to work out... And then God says, "No" or "Not yet." And it usually hurts a lot, but you learn so much.
• The people you care about most DEFINITELY have the potential to hurt you more than anyone else... But they also have the potential to do things that make your heart smile.
• Sometimes we do things no matter how much we are aware that it's a bad idea, and we suffer for it, but in the long run, it is those things that we learn the most from.
• Following God is REALLY hard. But it is so worth it... And I hate how often I fail to do it.
• SUPER excited about my new ESV Study Bible that came in the mail today! It's huge and great! :)
• I love the Broadcast kids more and more everyday! :)
• I like having red hair.
• I can't wait until I get my hands on the Josh Ridings Band CD... It's gonna be ridiculously good... To quote: "You're gonna need to just hold a bucket under your face when you listen to it, cuz it's gonna melt it off."
• Good music is awesome!
• Being an alto is way harder than being a soprano, but it's a lot of fun!
• I LOVE swing dancing... Probably one of the most fun things ever.
• I also love Wild Wings, and I'm so glad it opened again... Yay for yummy chicken wings! :D
• I'm glad God brought Clair Harshaw to Upstate, cuz she is one fun gal to hang out with! :)
• Missing people is no fun, and I miss a bunch.
• Money is a pain. I think we should use the barter system... Except I like my stuff and wouldn't want to trade most of it. Haha!
• "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." ~ Tyler Durden, Fight Club
• Apparently, I am a very fearful person in some ways, and really need to learn more about stepping out in faith... But that is what life's about... And I'm ready to learn.

Living the Life of a Jet Setter... Or Just a Travelling American College Kid...

Well, here I am, in the hotel room that I myself booked from a pay phone in the Madrid airport. Am I a big girl or what? :D

I left last night around 6:15 EST from New York's JFK airport. I was one of the very few Caucasian people on my flight, as it was an Indian airline, and the Brussels Airport was just a stop-over before most of them went to Chennai. I barely made my flight to Madrid, because I only had an hour layover, and had to get through passport control and security again before boarding my plane, only to find out, at last call time, that they had changed the gate! I managed to make it, and I was straight up the LAST person on the flight. Scared me to death. But the view of Brussels when we were coming in for a landing was absolutely stunningly beautiful! So much green and the old houses were beautiful. LOVED it. I'd really like to go there sometimes, just visit Belgium.

I was so tired by the time I was flying to Madrid that I'm pretty sure I was hallucinating for at least a little bit. Haha... It was pretty rough. But I made it. I thought I was going to get sick, but I made it OK.

Then, I was in Madrid, and it was absolutely an amazing feeling. To be honest, it didn't look as beautiful from the sky as Brussels did, but I know that its beauty is rich, and definitely all its own. I can't wait to dig into this city and see the great culture and beauty that the Madrileños take so much pride in. I'm looking forward to visiting some of the greatest museums in Europe and seeing artwork by the greats, including Picasso and Dalí. I can't wait to meet up with friends in fun places and compare cultures, and appreciate the rich background of the Spanish people.

But right now, I'm just trying my best to chill, kind of rest myself today so that I can beat the jet lag... But that also involves me staying awake for another hour and a half when I'm half asleep now.

Wish me luck.

OH! By the way, the dollar isn't worth a whole lot right now... The Euro is very, very strong, which is hard, converting from dollars. You feel so poor! Haha.

I also learned a bit about how the EU works, which was interesting. Like, in most places, having an entry visa from one country has no bearing on another. But here in the European Union, I got my stamp in Belgium, and didn't have to do anything when I got to Spain but gather my baggage and get my hotel room. :)

But now, I think I'm going to go read for a bit... and then, snooze! :D

O Come and Mourn with Me Awhile

O Come and Mourn with Me Awhile

O come and mourn with me awhile,
O come ye to the Savior’s side
O come, together let us mourn,
Jesus our Lord is crucified.

Seven times He spake seven words of love;
And all three hours His silence cried
For mercy on the souls of men;
Jesus our Lord is crucified.

O love of God! O sin of man!
In this dread act your strength is tried;
And victory remains with love;
Jesus our Lord is crucified!

O break, O break, hard heart of mine!
Thy weak self-love and guilty pride
His Pilate and His Judas were:
Jesus our Lord is crucified.

A broken heart, a fount of tears,
Ask, and they will not be denied;
A broken heart love’s cradle is:
Jesus our Lord is crucified.

O love of God! O sin of man!
In this dread act your strength is tried;
And victory remains with love;
Jesus our Lord is crucified!

And victory remains with love;
Jesus our Lord is crucified!

This is an Indelible Grace version of one of my favorite hymns, and it's just... wow.

In thinking about the death of Christ and Good Friday and all, this hymn just stands out in my head as such an amazing picture of what Christ did for us. It is good, I think to mourn Hs death, while celebrating it as our salvation, and celebrating His resurrection. Because without thinking about how powerful His death was, we can't truly appreciate what He did for us.

To think of how He spoke with both His words and His silence on our behalf almost chills me. He could have changed His mind. He could have called down hosts of angels from heaven to rescue Him. He could have, in His own power, removed Himself from the cross. He could have spoken a word, and killed all of His tormentors, but He didn't. He bore all of our sin and shame, and all of His Father's wrath and anger.

"O break, O break, hard heart of mine!
They weak self-love and guilty pride
His Pilate and His Judas were..."

Sometimes, I think we get caught up in "The Romans/Jews/Pharisees/Pilate/Judas/etc. killed Jesus." But that's just not the truth. They were directly involved in His death, yes. No denying that. But what truly betrayed Him, what truly turned Him over to be killed, was our sin. Our inability to follow our Father's plan for us is what killed the Son. Our pride, our inability to obey, our love of ourselves above all else, our idolatry, our lust and everything else... That is what crucified Christ. And to be honest, that's a sobering thought. That our disobedience crucified Him just as much as Judas's betrayal, or Pilate's turning Him over to the people to be killed.

"A broken heart love's cradle is..." I think this is a key phrase in this song. Our hearts must be broken by our own sin before they can accept the Love that died for them. And I for one am heartbroken just from thinking of the huge part that my sin had in nailing Him to the cross and taking the Father's love from Him, if only for a short time. He suffered having the Father He'd loved for all eternity turn His back on Him, seeing nothing but our wrongdoing when He looked at Him. I can't imagine that pain, but I know that my heart breaks to think of it.

"O love of God! O sin of man!
In this dread act your strength is tried;
And victory remains with love;
Jesus our Lord is crucified!"

This is my favorite part. The crucifiction, in effect, was a battle between God's love and our sin. It was a cosmic war, in which two great forces battled for our souls, their strength being put to the greatest of tests. And, as the hymn says, victory remains with love. The battle was won, Christ's love triumphant over our sin. Nothing we can do can separate us once we have accepted His payment for our sins.

I hope this song will mean as much to y'all as it does to me. It just touches my heart every time I hear it... That's all I got. Happy Easter!

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

I've been thinking a lot about Christian love lately. It's something that I've been both grateful for and convicted about many times over the past several days.

The thankful side first, though... Lately, I've been dealing with a lot of "stuff." But one of my greatest joys has been being surrounded by the body of Christ, having my brothers and sisters speak encouragement into my life. Nothing makes bad days seem better than a hug and a reminder that God has not let go of me and is carrying me through. It's such a gift from God to be surrounded by the ones who share my love for Him.

But then, there is the conviction part. I read this quote a while back in the book When God Writes Your Love Story. These words were spoken by a Romanian prison guard whose goal was to keep Christianity from spreading in his USSR era prison.

If we cut off their tongues and forbid the Christians speech, they love with their hands, with their feet, and with their eyes, they love always and everywhere until their last respiration. Does anybody know how to take out the power of love from these stupid Christians?

This quote definitely caused my heart to break with conviction. How many times do I speak love without living it? How often does someone need just a hug or a helping hand, and in my life's busyness, I miss their needs, and fail to live a life filled with Christ's love and kindness. How many times do my brothers and sisters just need somone to listen to them and I miss the cries of their actions and words?

I pray that God will build me up in my love for others. How cool would it be to love in such a way that those who wish to see Christ's name stamped out would be frustrated by the way we spread it with love?!

I would love nothing more than to see the church at large so overflow with the love of Christ that we could lose forever our abilities to speak, and they would still know us by our love.

But to those of you who have shown me that very real, there-when-I-need-you kind of love, you will never know how much your love and kindness has meant to me. As for those to whom I've not shown this kind of love, I am truly sorry, and pray that I will have the chance to try again and show you love in a real, here for you way.

Anyway... Just a few thoughts I had.

Are you ready?

So, lately, I've been feeling God shaking me out of my complacency again, which is both wonderful and extremely painful. Like, it's really amazing when you see God's plans becoming more clear in your life, but it's painful when those plans are way different than your plans. Which, for me, is a pretty common occurance.

But as it stands... I sold my soul to the state for 4 years after I graduate so that I'd have my education paid for... And either, I can teach for 4 years here, or I can pay all the money back that they've given me thus far. I had never planned on living or teaching outside of SC. Like, never. But I'm really beginning to think that God's plan is for me to move out west for a year or two... Which would be incredibly cool, I think, but it makes me really nervous. I've never had to live somewhere where one of my parents couldn't be where I was in less than an hour. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I mean, granted, I'm old enough not to need that, but I'm still not sure.

Other than that are my plans for life in general. I was looking forward to a life as a wife and mother, and a Spanish teacher. I was hoping to be able to begin all of these parts of my life within a few years of each other. But with the ministry and call that I feel God has for me, I think maybe I should wait on the wife and mother part. If I even ever have them at all. And for the first time, I'm beginning to think that might be OK. I mean, yeah... I'm a girl. I want a gorgeous wedding, and gorgeous kids, and a wonderful little white picket fence life. But I believe God has called us to live bigger than just the picket fence world. His heart is for a hurting and broken world, and He loves those who don't know Him. He wants to bring them to Himself. And if He wants me to be a part of that as a single woman, then so be it. I'm ready. I want to take it on, if that's the plan. And if He sees fit to give me a family, then great. I'm ready for that, too... I'd love to be a mom and wife. I really would. But I'm not demanding it. Just waiting and humbly asking God to do what's best.

This leads to a lot of questioning in my heart. But also a great knowledge that God knows what He's doing, and loves me far too much to screw up my life.

It's so easy to say those things, sometimes, though, but to backtrack on them when it gets hard... I'm only praying now that God will show me how to let go... to hold on to my plans, hopes, dreams, aspirations, and possessions with an open hand, so that when and if He wants to take them, He can.

It's going to be hard, and I'm not gonna lie... I'm scared to death... But I'm ready.


Desperation Band - Ready Now

You come like You promised You would
I want to surrender for good
I know that I need you
And I dont want to keep living life alone.

So take my heart
And make it new
Make it true
And make it like You
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're Yours not mine to do
Do what You will
Do what You will
Do what You will

I feel like a blind man in you sight
I know that I'm wicked in Your eyes
So wash me and make me shine like Your Son
I want to tell everyone
That You're the only one

So take my heart
And make it new
Make it true
And make it like You
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're Yours not mine to do
Do what You will
Do what You will
Do what You will
Do what You will

I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what You will
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what You will
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now

So take my heart
And make it new
Make it true
And make it like You
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're Yours not mine to do
Do what You will
Do what You will
Do what You will

I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what You will
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what You will
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what You will
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now

Random! Love it!

Here's a random list of some of the best feelings in the world.

1. Passing a cop car, and looking at your speedometer to see that you were going the speed limit.
2. A hug from the right person at the right time.
3. Hearing your name being said by someone who is very special to you (from baby nephew, to parent, to crush... whatever the case may be).
4. Healing rifts between friends.
5. Laughing, truly, deeply, and joyfully laughing.
6. God's peace about something... a decision, a wish, a hope...
7. Having an uncontrollable fit of laughter with your mom... if you haven't had that, I'm sorry. :(
8. Unexpected gifts from God.
9. Reminiscing with old friends.
10. Reliving your childhood (within reason. lol)
11. Catching up with someone you haven't heard from in years.
12. Seeing babies discover the world.
13. Being around animals.
14. Settling down with a good book in bed.
15. Looking back and realizing where you made the right choice.
16. A new outfit.
17. Walking around the mall alone and not feeling weird or insecure about it.

OK, don't ask... I don't even know where all of these come from, but I've experienced all of them recently, in one way or another... And they've been awesome. Enjoy.